Tips for a Successful Relationship

Tips for a Successful alto conkher(prenominal)iance Ezell ORR Communication Instructor Macy Dailey October 17, 2011 ? Dear scalawag and Jill, My advice to you for a prospering and everlasting kin is squeeze outdid talk. With tabu good communication the consanguinity/engagework forcet leave non get around to the next level of pairing. In the origination your communication was limited to conversations of neutral agreements because of the sign stage of your birth. searchers establish represent that unitary of the reasons a new family is unremarkably so pleasant and friendly is that populate emphasize the interchange satisfactoryities they pick egress and ignore the differences (Brown & Rogers, 1991). As your relation blossoms the differences in twain of you go out surface. nigh maybe besides keen to entertain, and preempt be easily miss or digested. Constant differences amongst partners that atomic number 18 customary habits mess be discussed and set tle without harming the family.irrespective or overlooking major concerns such(prenominal) as, financial matters, sexual preferences, and raising of children tramp be harmful to the race if not handle properly. Counseling may be recommended or advis qualified in closely cases. Ein truth relationship is different, no cardinal relationship atomic number 18 the akin. As the relationship unfolds and you both suffer down to tell apart from each one(prenominal) oppositewise purify, you forget begin to press release development to the most other which was somewhat mystic at the start of the relationship. The closely in-chief(postnominal) characteristic of a deep inter face-to-face relationship is the self-disclosure of our innermost thoughts and feelings (Roeckelein, 1998).When you both begin to exchange soulal information, building avow and confidence that is a sign that the relationship is progressing. As the relationship progresses you ordain be more than inc line to disclose more of your identity. Self Disclosure is sometime give-and-take, where both parties take up equal risk when disclosing individualal information. Shargond disclosures will increase the exposure to being hurt or disrespected by others, and the fact that you both be in possession of commit so much of yourself may shuffling it complicated to break the bond you all have together.Forming a relationship with individual is not like what you see on TV. Communication problems arouse surface and break off the relationship or til now bring it to an end. Certain behaviors bottom of the inning really victimize a relationship. Being quiet, nice, and playing games these behaviors send packing damage a relationship and jut In the way of trust. Everyone makes to be silent at times, exclusively lengthy keep mum is not good for the relationship. Refusing to verbalise to soulfulness is frequently a federal agency of irresponsible the other person or exerting mi ghtiness in a relationship. If it is prolonged, it can even be a form of psychological abuse (Chang, 1996).It is best to try and talk things out oppose to not public lecture at all. You feel the old apothegm time heals everything so sometime it is better to allow things along for a temporary hookup if both of you controls that there is a problem. other ara of concern is being too nice or being excessively agreeable. Dont erect yourself in a position where you would rather permit person have their way or only if take the blame to pay the problem go away. compete Games will also destroy a relationship. In 1964, Eric capital of Switzerland wrote a best-selling raise titled Games People Play, which describes how populate sometimes have ulterior motives.He called these strategies games (capital of Switzerland, 1996). He defined games as a nonadaptive way of communicating, and it is a ostracise descriptor of interacting that can develop amid deal. Berne said, In most cases, the participants of the game be unaw ar that they atomic number 18 playing they have simply developed a dominion of interacting that is not constructive or multipurpose in growing the relationship. Playing games at the expense of someones feelings is never a good thing. Relationships can easily take a tour for the worst when games be involved. The games will depose when one of you decides to stop playing.The end subject of playing games is that sometimes ends with one person becoming angry or upset. Berne also states that regardless of the strategy, undecided and transparent communication can prevent the prolongation of a game and its effects on the parties involved. It is best to not play games and let the relationship run its course without every kind of interruptions. ? Another component of having a successful relationship is being a good seeer. Everybody who can speak, read, and write were taught to discover these trey components through parenting and schoo l.We take classes in reading, writing, or even speaking exclusively we rarely break of someone pickings classes in auditory modality. You cannot understand others, respond fittingly to what they say, and provide helpful feedback if you have not listened (Hayes, 1991). Listening is one of the most measurable factors in interpersonal communication. angiotensin converting enzyme account esti coadjutord that 45 per centum of all communication time is spent listening, compared with 30 pct speaking, 16 percent reading, and 9 percent writing (Hayes, 1991). roughly people are also generally inefficient listeners they tend to forget rather quickly what has been said. deep down 48 hours, we forget almost 50 percent of that information, for an overall retention of or so 25 percent efficiency (Lee & Hatesohl, 1993). Most people pretend that visualiseing is listening, but much more is involved than solely hearing something and waiting for it to get genetic to your brain to be inte rpreted. Effective listening is a process that requires six limpid components (1) motivating yourself to listen, (2) clearly hearing the heart and soul, (3) constructful attention to the message, (4) correctly interpreting the message, (5) evaluating the message, and (6) recall and responding appropriately (Adair, 2003).You all must limit to be motivated and have an open mind and be unforced to do something from one another. During conversation between the 2 of you make sure you can hear each other clearly without all interruption. Virginia Satir (1976) suggests that when you do not clearly hear the speaker, you often make up what you consider the other person said. We tend to make an assumption and thusly hold the other person responsible for not communicating impellingly. Paying Attention is another thinks of effective listening.Messages are sent by verbal and sign(a) means. To be an effective listener you must give your united attention to both verbal and nonverba l messages. Never jump to conclusion, let the other party finish their thoughts before you step in to ensure that you have interpreted the message correctly. ? Interpreting the wrong message or signal can provide in causing an interpersonal impinge. Being able to indentify deviation and handle it without incident will improve your relationship.Daniel Dana, a pioneer in the field of mediation, suggested that four factors must be present for a disagreement to be considered a conflict Two people are interdependent they each motivation something from the other. Both parties blame the other or find fault with them for causing the problem. One or more of the parties is angry or emotionally upset. The parties behaviors are affecting their relationship with each other and/When conflict emerges, tautness are high, and the relationship can be put in jeopardy if not resolved as soon as possible.In all relationships, whether friendly, romantic, or family, conflict is unavoidable. Conflict can be badly to your health because it has the potential to get out of control, but it can also have appraise that can reinforce the relationship. Researchers Patricia Noller and Judith Feeney (2002) report that some conflict may truly be good for a marriage over time and can lead to the personal growth of both parties if the ostracise communication is aimed at the other persons specific behavior and not at the whole person. Another scholar from Harvard University reported that conflict has other value as well.He noted, in businesses and other organizations, conflict increases the necessity to accomplish t looks, it helps people understand their positions because it brings issues out into the open and forces them to encourage their arguments, and it gives all parties to the conflict a great awareness of their own identities. Walton also suggested that conflict can help people be more creative in conclusion solutions to problems. Avoiding conflict is everlastingly better than promoting conflict. sometimes it is best to get away and let the air clear. When emotions are high and tensions are peaking, a little space between each other will straighten the atmosphere.I am not state to just sweep it under the carpet and hope it just go away. However, researchers found that the pattern that indicates a relationship is weakness is that angry lyric are exchanged, the fury escalates, and then the withdrawal occurs. In other linguistic process, in falling relationship, ostracise emotions elicit the interaction between the parties, who then withdraws from each other (Zautra, 2003). clinical psychologist and author Virginia Satir suggests that we are signly attracted to people because of what we have in common with them, but we grow on the basis of our differences (Aatir, 1976).When you first tackle someone you try and field them out. For a relationship to develop, you must have some initial interest. Some people will ask questions about another person , or they will watch someone to see if they meet the visible qualification. Some may listen to how someone speaks, there are several(prenominal) different techniques we use to gather information about someone whom we may be attracted to or want to get to spang better. Theorists conceptualize that several factors may play your attraction to certain people.These factors are physical proximity, physical draw, perceived brighten, and similarities and differences (Hartley, 1999). Physical attractiveness is one of the first thing most people explore prior to entertain a relationship. Some like their mate to be slim, some like them to be a little on the rotund side, some like them to be tall, short, or even short and round. Psychologists have found, however, that you are strongly influenced by prototypes of the idea manlike and female form as represent by media in our culture (Cattarin, Thompson, Thomas, & Williams, 2000).Some people is attracted to others because of what they va lue they can gain from being in the company of superstars or other high ranking individuals. Do you find yourself associating with people because who they are, or what you think they have and maybe you could be a part of it, in other develops, you just want to be seen with someone who you believe you can benefit from. You have believably heard the saying, Birds of a feather plunk together. Which saying is true? According to researchers, both are accurate (Hartley, 1999).It is good to know someone of importance or someone who is a superstar, but trying to put yourself in a position to gain something thru someone elses fame, it just not worth the trouble. If you grew up with someone who have recently gain fame and fortune and you privation to associate yourself with them and they welcome your interest that will be entirely up to you. horny Intelligence is another area you should be familiar with to have a successful relationship. Knowing how to control, communicate, and understa nd emotional feelings. randy Intelligence is similar to emotional health, the higher(prenominal) your emotional intelligence-the higher your emotional health is. Emotional health allows you to stay in touch with your own feelings term you are exposed to the feelings of others. It also enables you to handle flavours emotional setbacks in a healthy manner instead of taking your feelings on others (Segal, 1997). Emotional intelligence has three components (1) the ability to effectively perceive, communicate, and manage negative emotions (2) the ability to experience, communicate, and ustain corroboratory emotions and (3) the ability to apply perspective during difficult times and to get hold following stressful events (Zautra, 2003). Most positive and negative feeling you encounter is a condition of your thoughts and your interpretation of events within the relationship. Psychotherapist and author Richard Carlson (1997) suggests that you think of negative thoughts similar to the way you think about your inspirations. You may awaken and be upset about something that occurred in a dream.But you understand that dreaming is merely thinking while you are asleep, and you dismiss the negative dream because you realize that it is not reality. The negative thoughts you have while awake also come out real, but they are not needfully the truth. You can dismiss them like bad dreams and not allow them to spiral out of control until they divulge an entire daylight or even a lifetime. When negative thoughts assail you, Carlson suggests you remind yourself of the following We all produce a steady drift of thoughts, twenty-four hours a day. . . Pick and get which thoughts you wish to react to . Everybody has different moods happiness. You can be happy and be in a good mood, or you can be mad or doleful about something and keep your feelings inside and you can appear to be in a good mood. Moods are simply a part of being human, and being able to understand these moods oppose to letting them get the best of you will help you manage conflict. When you are in a good mood, everything look good, you feel good, and life if great. However, a bad mood can ruin your day and the people around you.We know that says are not things they are merely symbols that represent things. So as linguist Robin Tolmach Lakoff asks, How can something that is physically just puffs of air, a mere ministration for reality, have the power to change us and our terra firma? (Lakoff, 2001). lyric poem are very powerful, they can cause pain, damage, excitement, and they can chirk up you. Words are magical in the way they affect the minds of those who use them. A mere matter of voice communication, we say contemptuously, forgetting that words have power to mould mens thinking, to canalize their feeling, to direct their willing and acting.Conduct and character are generally determined by the nature of the words we currently use to discuss ourselves and the world around us. ( Huxley, 1940). One of the first things children do when they first learn language is to constitute parts of their bodies such as their eyes, mouths, or toes. They can say a word and touch the body part at the same time, so they tend to think that words have direct correlation with target areas in the physical world. Thus, as children, and then as adults, we are misled into thinking that this item or object is what the word means. Because we communicate with others, and they understand us, the word must mean the same to everyone else as it does to us (Kreidler, 1998). Words can mean different things to different people. Words are symbols, and they do not have the same essence to everyone. Words reflect attitude, some words can be skanky to some cultures and less offensive to others. When words are interpret wrong it can ca utilize confusion and problems. The meaning you interpret from a message is always personal and is the result of many factors including your personality and e xperiences.Communication always occurs in a context, so the meaning of a message often depends on the context of the communication. ? References Satir, V. (1976). Making Contact. Millbrae, CA celestial Arts. Zautra, A. J. (2003). Emotions, stress, and health. Cary, NC Oxford University Press. Segal, J. (1997). Raising your emotional intelligence A practical guide. New York Henry Holt. Huxley, A. (1940). Words and Their Meanings. Los Angeles, CA The Ward Ritchie Press. Hartley, P. (1999). Interpersonal communication. Florence, KY Routledge. Lakoff, R. T. (2010). nomenclature war.Ewing, NJ University of California Press. Cattarin, J. A. , Thompson, J. K. , Thomas, C. , & Williams, R. (2000). Body image, mood, and televised images of attractiveness. The usance of social comparison. Journal of Social and clinical Psychology, 19(2), 220239. Retrieved, March 9, 2011, from ProQuest Research Library. doi 55606627. Lee, D. , & Hatesohl, D. (1993). Listening Our most used communication ski ll. CM 150, Communications. University of Missouri Extension. Retrieved celestial latitude 5, 2010, from http//extension. missouri. edu/publications/DisplayPub. aspx? P=CM150?